EGGS When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

BREAD Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

CANNED GOODS Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

POTATOES Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

CHIP DIP If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.